Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
