So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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