Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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