She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
