I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
