Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
