you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
