How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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