I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
