So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
These tits shall not be calmed
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
