Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
