my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
