Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
