Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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