Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
