you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
