Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
