Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
