so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have feelings that need drinking.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
