Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
