I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
