i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
