Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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