At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this just has baby written all over it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
