Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
