I just made out with a guy for $7.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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