How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
