Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
