I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
