there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We talked him into tasing himself.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
