Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
