I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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