mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
