we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
