I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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