No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
