Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
