oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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