after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
