i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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