its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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