I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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