At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my shit smells like andre
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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