I cannot find my penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
