i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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