Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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