i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
