I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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