She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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