I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
